The Inspired Purpose

With inspiration so far from my reach, I'm trying to figure out why it is no longer in my path. Why am I now where I once was? As the world continues to spin I'm stuck, cemented in non-existing yet everlasting reality. How did I get to this point? A point where only those who love me can help me realize and correct my mistakes. Although I'm aware of the mistakes I've made, this numb unemotional attachment continues. I have made those mistakes irrelevant yet okay. Now I must realize I can no longer hide behind all that I find. Now I must buckle down and capture my purpose before my purpose gives up on me. The only thing I have in this world is my purpose. Never abuse your purpose. Dream dreams that exist in your everyday actions. I let go of my purpose because I was looking for a certain type of fulfilment, one that only lasted momentarily knowing  moments don't last forever, yet what does?


Mentally I am aware, but mentally I hide, hide and hide never reaching the light because I feel as though the light has dimmed itself on me, leaving me alone in darkness after all the light I've shined on others.
When you spend years doing right and it's never appreciated,  a list of wrong doings create an imagination of perfectly right outcomes. This is where I lost my purpose : Using the wrong organs to gain love is wrong yet at those moments they feel so right. Never realizing the cycle of pain, pleasure, pain, pleasure, pain. I'm trapped consciously yet subconsciously oblivious to my mistakes because in those moments of pain any type of pleasure is accepted. But whose doing the accepting, rejecting? Realistically I'm inflicting my own pain and seeking pleasure from others who realistically are pleasuring themselves. Although these outer body experiences seem unreal, I still force them to be a part of my relevance. Making them seem as if I need them. Wronged once again and not by those but myself.


 Inspiration comes from the last place you left off. As that last place killed me internally, everything that was morally wrong felt right. One of  the greatest achievements is knowing at least one person in this world loves you enough to tell you the actual truth. From that point until now, my mind has been clouded with fear and pain. A pain that has ripped through me like the Grim Reaper, taking everything I've worked so hard for. Going backwards in a foreword motion is just the same as moving in the same spot headed no where. If I continue this way doing these unspeakable things, I'll be, end up no where. As these tears trickle down my face an impact finally occurs. I have the power to change, not for anyone else but myself. The inspired inspire. Now I have no other option than those I have presented to myself. I'm at the bottom so up is my only option, my only way in a world where my purpose is not too far away.