Dreading most moments hoping to never be trapped like I once was. Although this feeling is dearly missed, I still don't know what it's like to love again. Hurt by someone, I knew yet someone I didn't, me. Sleepless nights, bloody noses and uninviting sex was what it was like. Months later the emotional baggage has hidden deep, so deep, buried. Wanting his touch, feeling his once oh so special love is all but a dream in a world where dreams never come true. As unanswered questions of brutal hurt wake me, keep me, forsake me. Love is the deadliest gift of them all. Starring at empty skies trying to find fulfillment is a constant dead end routine. Hoping one day this pain will give me freedom, freedom I deserve. To be drained by a hurt heart is almost as worst as being paralyzed. Sometimes, If it is not obvious the hurt, hurt, but then again its obvious the hurt, hurt. Blaming him for things I control are hurt, hurt I didn't deserve, yet hurt he felt I did.
Wishing, Wished, Dreamt, Achieved, Lost, Dead, Oblivious. As love stretches to lands far from hear, arms have yet reached mine. They once were wrapped around my soul now they are no longer in reach. We got in to deep. Hoping, lasting again wishing. Extended prayers send whispers of defeat from my lips hoping my seldom innocent words reach the heavens to as for forgiveness. Trying and hoping those limbs return. Others have attempted yet my firery, dead, dried out emotional doubt pushes untruth worth. Who are these people who seek me? Where do I go, who are these people who seek my body for pleasure and my lips to do as such? As my back touches cold sheets and he lays on top of me, his face appears never leaving my sight always crossing my mind, I'm dying inside, Lying inside.
In times of love lost, we can't help but dwell amongst the memories of what was. To bask in the emotions that still lingers. That once feeling of completeness now coming to a half. Me? I don't know what it to feel that, haven't in awhile. Between fear and actuality, duality of both the dreams and reality, I still suffer. Pain equal weakness...until weakness is nurtured to become strength. B'cause what has yet to kill us, prepares us for what we long to triumph the date of someday.
ReplyDeleteHuh You sound like me over there Mr. Boston. I dig you words of wisdom, they compliment mind.
ReplyDeletewow in too deep like omar epps... i love it though its like i can read anything u put up and make a picture in my head ur the greatest forreal
ReplyDeleteKnowledge is gained through watching and listening, and Wisdom is gained through pain and suffering...
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