Violent Domestic's

No longer waken to a dripping pillow soused in midnights of sobbing regrets of a love that either was or was never.

Bea-u-ti-ful

Take a precious precaution for the aesthetics of life within itself. Beauty without force, without thought. A beautiful way, just in existence.

In an Instant

Its in an instant where things that once were are no longer there. Its that one moment where you can no loner vivid imaginations of how this came to be. Stuck with baffled looks of why and how did this come to happen. Age processing without the slightest notice of time. Draped down memories of things you can no longer feel for they are no longer real. Stuck in this second without recognition of what can and might happen in the next. Prepared for he past, but forever ready for the future because dreaming dreams are already destinies. Besides the common knowledge of those who without cause, take up precious days of your life, needless to say, who knows if these eyes will ever live to see another day. 

Ff

Flickering feathers furiously forgetting freedom. Frightened figures finding forgiveness from forged findings. Fighting fabricated facades for fabulously faceless factors. Friendly faded flattery flown from frail failures. Faithfully fake.

Dark Splash

Hand in Motion

Easier to feel a thrill then to recognize its consequence. Blaming the wrong ones, turning backs on love and caring to much for those loose hand shakes and never-to-touch hugs. Some might complain at length and context, but if you pay attention to the words and verbs presented the purpose is clearly mentioned. Attention is paid. Raid a reason besides doing what others think is right leaving you effortless in a life-like fight. Exception ridiculed because a difference is too hard to grasp and most cant grasp grips on what it deems to be a meaning. A source for someone else's being. Switched like chicks shoes with dudes we barely thought we knew. Off topic, just keep watching. Well keep reading this spell bound binding of words cursed by blessed nerves. Hand in motion, teary eyed contortion.

Pp

Pacing patience past possible proportions. Progressive positivity promotes pleasant pastures protruding promptly. Pacing patience probably proposes plentiful playfulness past pure pleasures. Parous persistence pending points possible.

#HighShoes

Eyes wide dreaming in the highest of clouds above sharp crystal blues, #HighShoes.

Soothing Freedom

                              Stalley "Sound of Silence"

Such a peaceful complication of a grand perspective of confidence and self assurance. Digging way past faith, FREE. Grips on God by hard working hands callused with a fight. Eyes shined upon through green pastures of shimmering light. Soulful FREEdom. Love is a must and change. Breathe and live as one. The universe.

Light

As light triggers unseen movements, light guides lost eyes in the darkest of moments. Flickering on and off, waiting for approval while light's of all shades dim and brighten sporadic glances in to futures witnessed by my deepest eye, my quietest cry, my soul.

Irene, The Nature of a Pure Making

As gust of winds smack against our well being, and while most scatter in pure fear, Im peacefully embracing a part of the universe. Mother and her nature are beaming on our precious existence as if she has no say in her making. Her doing is perfectly perfect because by nature, and by the grace of God, she is following her calling. Drops of thickened wet drips are destructively destroying and weighing down our lovely lives we only seem to care for, without the slightest thought that there is so much more.

BlondeGang: Everlasting Engagement Continued

On a random, yet precise and inciting night where the calmness of the crowd is suddenly interrupted by rummaging footsteps parading across a stage, anticipation builds. Locked eyes of gazing on-lookers patiently prepare for the unknown. Stripes of foreign hair colors with chains dangling made of soda can tabs bombard the presence of all who dare to watch. As the music starts, diversity is introduced at it's highest appreciation. Bouncing and jumping excite the crowd as their passionate screams stretch through speakers inviting all who dare to listen. Taking the stage all at once, intoxicating and memorable performances will always and forever be given due to a cohesive drive to be anything but common. Similar, yet different personalities un-doubtingly diminish the usual surrounding the typical Hip-Hop artist. Scattered, yet certainly coordinated, the deliverance is unmatched with others who are always so commonly compared. Drenched in charisma and unrealistic uniqueness, the divinity is uncanny. As sets are almost near complete, the crowd continues to pay close attention to the high energy escapade taking place right before their eyes. Non-stop energy accompanied by luminescent smiles of pure joy pervade settings like no other. As bodies continue to bounce and roam on stage for one last song, hands continue to glide through the air in hopes of everlasting engagement. 

Pay  close attention to particular moments and you'll always find someone tranced in complete captivation.  Cameras flickering reflections off a pair of midnight  brown Wayfarers as KidSweeny emerges. Slowly removing a chain made of submerged metals, Lyve prepares for twenty minutes of non-stop outrageous movement. Bok manifest into this mysterious, outspoken character who deliberately "cooks" it up every chance that he gets. The super cool evanvesance of Plane Walker just strolls in and out of placement as he is always occupied by being a dedicated member to more than one group.  A pink mohawk blending in and out, mascots and ritualizes the group as Shy The Social Misfit proceeds to pounce through set congregations promoting BlondeGang as such. 7D Cannon in hand, Sik exceptionally documents while Mil, conservatively manages from behind the spotlight. 

To be continued…… 

Michelle O Brunch, Women of Color, Women of Change

I usually don't post events on this particular blog, but this has touched me in a way that deserves recognition. Yesterday, I was given the opportunity to attend the Michelle O Brunch at LaScala restaurant on 6th and Chestnut. This was the first time in my life that I was completely surrounded by women of color who are destined to change the world through self earned success. Hosted by CBS's and CW's Natasha Brown, the event was truly inspiring and has changed my outlook on life as well as people. To sit in a circle and talk with women who have been through the same struggles as you, made me realize that we as a people, especially as colored women, need cohesion in order to prosper properly. Listening to their stories and struggles only empowered me more and gave me a completely different outlook on the meaning of help. I am truly blessed.  I now know what does and doesn't matter because there are so many more positive things women of color have to offer than what is portrayed on television. Briefly educated on what it means to succeed, these women have truly touched my heart. Finding success through a career or love is all a part of growing as a human while finding happiness. It's all a process and all it takes is a day, a minute or maybe even a second, to say I will do it, it will happen, I have control. Thank you to all of those who were there and thank you for our future as women of color. Thank you again.

Listen, Read, Feel

I want you to see what I'm hearing. Just sit and listen with me as the melodies tingle our hearts. Just imagine  being in her words. Drowned in her meanings. Indulged in her moment. Her deepest secrets. Read my mind. Just quietly inhale and sink in all her words. Become memorized like me. See what I see only for a  brief minute. Thinking of the same things. Just listening to her spill her soul into songs. I want you to hear it as i see it. just patiently pace patience and let go for only a minute. Drown yourself in her distant presence. Embrace her life, her mind. Just listen. Focusing. Grow with me. Fall into the unknown and take me with you. Build off of this instant, this second. Live now with me, and just inhale who i am. Grace me with your love and take it in, deep you and Me. 

Repetition

Photo By: Sylvia Vale

Circulations of continuous circles lost in repetition. The same ways, same days, even the same faces. Portrayed by the risings and settings of the sun to do and be the same, all caught in repetitions of continuous circles made for those of the same kind, same mind.

Lost by common majority, a common minority. Extracting color from class, but never extracting class from color. The common denominator.

Constructed termination of a mindless society lost in repetitions of continuous circles. Taking backwards actions nowhere. Without a care. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right. Repetition.

Marketing by branding generations of robotic structures, walking lifeless people. All done by force, all done out of pure hatred. Monetary enslavement.

A Writers Purppose

Writer,

The obligation to expose the universe through words.
As a writer words are creatures that creep through hands on paper who enlighten and prove an existence.
Intended to promote information yet intended to promote a vision of individuality and a sense of natural worldly gratification.

Instead of visionary manipulation, writers have the power to control any and all settings of a given situation. Written incisions, on who, what, when, where and how to be, bleeds through the tips of these people's fingers.

Made to create.

Taking thoughts, fantasies, truths and lies and combining them into one recognized reality of what something could be. Dragging imagination past processed formation. Reiterating what we see by inducing emotional involvement. Not only can you see these words, you feel them and form a relationship off of something you never knew existed. Resisting change by never understanding these combinations of words and sentences that make sense without making sense.

You Ever Wonder Why Your Stagnated?

Photo By: BeautifiedMind

You ever wonder why your stagnated? Have you ever felt like you determine your own destiny by continuing to contribute to the things that bring you down and drag you further away from your dreams? You don't ever seem to believe that it's your fault, but it is. Everyone goes through life changing moments that keep them from believing there is a future in anything. We all suffer, just not the same nor at the time, but we all do. You see people who have prospered here on earth who hide distinct death wishes based off a life we view as grand. Yet they think otherwise. What you seem to see may not always be. Reflecting your happiness by currency is an example of pure normalcy. You ever wonder why your stagnated? You ever wonder why your surroundings surround you and not the other way around? I mean, if you surround yourself with bad surroundings whose at fault? You do the surrounding. Complaints drip from our lips and lies become tangled inside, because we find it comforting to mislead. It then becomes a way of living that only stagnates us more because we are drifting closer to who we want to be inside of magnetically chasing who we should be. You ever wonder why your stagnated? We love people and hate people for he same reasons as to why we love them. We all walk down streets and lock eyes with someone who has lost their future. What's your first thought? It doesn't distinguish by race, sex or age because as a person those physical characteristics do not matter.

What matters is your excuse. The same excuse you truthfully lie about in order to save some type of face in a society where you either win or loose. Those in between just maintain a balance for those on top and for those at the bottom. You ever wonder why your stagnated?

A dream isn't a reality, its a vision. Visions can become realities if you allow them to be. If your visions are guided by a reliable source, who knows how far you'll go. Paused by breaks in days that  cease progression, but it is needed. We feed this drive by our desires to be someone the world has never seen. We all want to be someone else's dream.

You ever wonder why your stagnated? You ever wonder why certain people occupy parts of your life that don't generally make sense? Daily, we build and destroy bonds of relationships with people we will never meet. If you were ever granted one wish, most would pick wealth over happiness, longevity, strength and prosperity. You ever wonder why your stagnated? It doesn't always have to be what someone else see's in you. Your growth, dreams, and visions are given at an individual rate. Most cant relate and wonder why they're stagnated.

Released Control

Photo By: BeautifiedMind

Released. Manifest to everything that has everything. Controlled by the things we have no control over.

Dynamic Duo, DJ Ferno and Dosage

                                        Photo by Yusuf 'yuiE' Muhammad




                                             Emerging pride by past and future progression. 


               No Regression. Confidently settled based off experience and blessings. Acceptance.


                              Realization that normalcy is non-existent in this position. 


  At a stage of witnessed greatness spread over continents, realized and heard through varieties of languages.


                                                 Destined. Pure Greatness. 

Tainted Talents

Through tainted talents time triggers triumphs
tremendously trapped through trenches trained
to tame.

Threats thrown throughout time, turning tables
tackling tactics that takeoff targeted takers
trying to trap those tainted talents that time
triggered towards triumph.

Thoroughly thankful, though thoughtful too,
tomorrow transcends terminated tears, turning
Them to THUS.

DJ Ferno

                                                                            

  

Musically capable, intelligent. Positively influential due to his musical ability to mix and mingle with crowds that differ by age and ethnicity. With an ear for detail and the ability to deliver musical pleasure, DJ Ferno is able to conquer the emotional connections people have with music by simply being good at what he does.

At the age of thirteen, Chez Bingham became a co-host for the “YoungBul” show at 103.9 FM a Philadelphia radio station, which is now 100.3 The Beat. There he began his career as a host with local TV show Urban X-Pressions in 2001. With Urban X-Pressions being one the hottest and most recognized television shows in the Tri-state area, Ferno began to accumulate an accredited fan base that ranged from age groups to networking groups. He spent several years dedicating his time, charisma and intellect to making Urban Expressions exciting and worth watching. There he was able to build a network, learn how to properly promote and host parties, and build a brand for himself, which is now prominent and strong. Although Ferno affiliated himself with radio hosting and promotion, he maintained a connection with music by becoming interested in deejaying at the age of sixteen. He immediately gravitated towards the turn tables, which then, became the beginning of a new and indulging musical era by an individual who found meaning of life through music and no genre is off limits. It is his sole purpose to introduce musical differentiation to anyone willing to listen. Most will find themselves engulfed in his presence whenever there is a turn table in his possession.

His inspiration stemmed from the works of DJ Jazzy Jeff, DJ Touch Tone and DJ Excel. Most importantly DJ Ferno pays homage to the legendary DJ AM in which he uses AM’s “AHH Yeah” slogan to continue and promote AM’s success as a DJ.

With gigs lined up ranging from weddings to night clubs, DJ Ferno is also focused on Dosage, an upcoming artist whose positive lyrics and vibrant personality caught the attention of Lupe Fiasco back in 2010. Although he continues to deejay for a variety of clients and venues, his biggest projects focus on producing and traveling alongside the aspiring twenty year old rapper. In April of this year, they took the stage and opened up twice for Lupe Fiasco in New York and once at Penn State’s spring fling. Since then, the duo has been booking shows all over the city in places like The Blockley, The Arts Garage, TLA, and the Arts Museum. He has produced Dosage’s hit song Get Better, which was released in 2010.

He maintains serenity through all his hard work by practicing and making music his number one priority. The distribution of music rest in his hands and is witnessed every time he walks up on stage. Once the tables begin to turn all eyes are on him. With the belief that any true talent takes ten thousand hours to perfect, DJ Ferno does just that every chance he gets. While constantly on a musical rampage, DJ Ferno continues to master his craft and has once again, produced a masterpiece which will be on Dosage’s next album titled Blood and Sand.

Now, enlightened by years of practice and personal musical fulfillment, DJ Ferno manages his time by spinning in different cities marking his territory with a precise yet recognizable style that promotes his personal connection with music.

Those Words By These People

(Photo By Brianna Lopez)

Music. These people we find entertainment in cry through the words we hear through their souls.

We are given mini stories of humans who live a life just as we do. People with dangerous thoughts and falling tears that linger in their voices and are repeated through their hooks.

Their beliefs are thrown and known by all when they should be personalized and lived by those only. We might seem ignorant, we  might seem indulged, yet we fall for those because what they speak some have lived and even died just like the words in which they speak.

They connect because their influence is deeper than a beat. It's the words they shower us with that keeps us so intrigued and in-tuned, and its their words that lift our heads and bring back broken memories.

Its those people that touch lives and guide lost minds by proposing that you are not the only one. It's the energy they put into helping us get over obstacles and it's their energy that hypes us up and keeps our bodies and minds moving when everything else seems to stop.

It makes us known as a person who can be known. Their words are all that some of us have. The only thing that seems the same, the same sound, the same words in which we've heard years before and years to follow.

These people are all some of us have when no one else understands.

Its a song made by a certain person that could be our only hope in a world where everyday everything changes whether we see it or not.


BeautifiedMind

Brief Encounter

Swayed by hands placed on hips of slow rhythm-less movements of seduceive  inclusive touches.

Induced passions of forwarded slow motions of contained commotion.

Real S**t

But with life there comes lessons and with lessons life is lived.

        No perfection of  a person exist.

Uniqueness is created by our lucks and fuck ups and gains and restrains. Challenging dispositions that we WILL FAIL. Some will prevail without acknowledgement.

         Some will praise and kiss the ground you walk on without ever letting you know.
         Some will show you they love you, who you are, and all that you've done.

YET MOST WILL HATE YOU, despise you and constitute false allegations and hatefully hate you for being SIMPLY YOU......

No Limit

Gracious beginnings, perfect endings of transcending movements of lost thoughts hidden in small trenches with big openings, opportunity.

It's Just Not About That

It's not about what you, he, she, me, might think. Its not about the name you carry on a piece of lifeless cloth. It's not about the mistakes never told, or its not about the lessons you'll never learn because it's not about that. It's not about the importance of non-important objects who you know nothing about.

It's not about not knowing tomorrow, it's about the common knowledge uncommonly used. Its not about her or if she likes her, him, or her and him.

It's not about the depths of shallow waters of black and blue seas never seen. It's not about what you cant do, it's about what you can. It's not about who you dont know, but it's about who you do know. It's not about where you are, it's not about who your with or who you hate, or who you love. It's about love, its about joy and choices and its about things we cant explain, and the things we experience in a world in which we are all alone.

It's about moments that capture other moments which may or may not last forever. It's about life, it's about a place deep down that only we know. Its about you, its about your life, your contributions and destuctions. Its about your love for life. its about life in and out or unrealistc realities.

It's about your love for life. It's not about nothing else, because it's just not about that.

Purposely Loveless

Love without fear of past complications of bad situations. Love without fear as if the fear you possess triggers your only reason not to love right. Loving wrong. How do you love wrong?

Whose love is ever right?

Unprepared to fall backwards in an unreliable reality of what is or what it could be. Too proud to love the right way so we purposefully don't love at all. Shying away from real when we claim to be the realest, yet we don't know how to love, the realest of all emotions.

Stagnated by sexual rush, nothing but meaningless nuts, busts.

Love buried under layers of stiff, waterless tears. Draped under our eyelids, surpassing realistic pleasures of real love. Love that appears at our worst, yet at our best moments. Love that tickles your heart  without words, without a simple touch.

A love where lust is just a game of four play and not all that we have as a reason to be. Love, a deep source of momentarily everlasting beats of promised futures of visionary visions of what it could be if we just let it be.

Broken Pride

Of course I'm writing about the same things. The things I wake up to in the middle of the night with questions and answers I already know the truths to.

Demanding positions I take, reaching no specific place, just reaching into a sky that I will never be able to physically touch.

This thing killing me internally, controls the thoughts which hide my eyes behind tears of lost pride. I confide my pride in my 2 step walk of  broken strides.

Behind waves of tides, I will never ride. Behind a tried attempt to redeem my reasons as to why I cant make it go away. Consume all their pain.

-Bri Lopez

Minds Think Alike

If we could only understand our minds. How it functions, drives us insane, killing ourselves over the things we cannot change about ourselves, about the world, about GOD. A GOD we're hoping in, praying for, whitout that being considered a sin. How could what we live be life?
How in the hell could this be all that you have to offer, while we're loving everything you have given us to see. Yet why give us eyes if all we see is death, alive or dead.

Musical Proof

Zoned by melodic tones of various sounds of captivating essence. An essence of Ecstasy by non surprising pleasure. Nods of agreement render to the  pauses of the beat without force.
The BEAUTY OF MUSIC is as essential as we are to the world. As music rejoices all but some, it reveals us as a race, as a people with possible connections of peace, with or without  understanding the words of controversy. Created, put together, mastered as such. With or without words the sound entices what nothing else can, even with triumph through intoxication, music is the only emotional high experienced by race, color and languages of differentiation. A differentiation that never distinguishes.


The ears show no mercy. A connection unwilling by unexplainable beginnings with approved endings. No real proof of why, yet the proof resides in our actions and need to be fed by the never ending phase of the perfect creation, un- denyingly MUSIC.


The sound is inhaled by those who understand its meaning, excluding purpose.


The Power of Music.


The emotional connection between 2 in 2 different places, 2 different races.


Music is Peace.  




This piece was influenced by Wiz Khalifa's "Up."

Confidence

Hard confessing of my uperfections that I hide so deeply behind a luminous smile.
        Constant drawbacks and lack of full potential, encourages my hidden confidence of weak porportions.

Unporportioned talent that creates joy for them, but creates a million blank stares from me.
         A confession of pure normalcy.

The confession that has ceased greatness in all of us.Some are naturally able to uphold this power and the rest have to fight mental battles and uphold  its presence, given that it is needed in order to succeed beyond all means.

Confidence is Key.

Mild Inspiration

Precious beyond physical acknowledgement.
          Hidden actions behind those eyes are only what you continue to let them be.
               Any man, woman could vouch of secrets so deep the words are to hurt to be spoken.


Although you can never take it back. Its inevitable you let it dim your light.
         Appreciate the breaths you take as if they are presented to you as gifts.
               This thing that haunts your mind is and can be permanently painful if you let it.

Its OKAY.

Never let the touched go untouched by care and understanding. You think no one is like you, yet
              there are more then you could ever imagine. Un-grasp that fearful past and embrace what you are

ALIVE.

Wrong By Choice

Never changing changes that stop reluctantly without proper progression. Progression necessary for growth, necessary for life. Deep breaths inhaling lessons inevitable to any other. Without being lost, how will we know we are at fault?


How can we not realize we are all but nothing in a world full of everything we had no inspiration on? As nature naturally stays the same, it is unaware of our precious existence. Although we alter  it's path we are unable to recognize the universe as a place we will never reach. As we are viewed as specs, we claim to be bigger than anything, even though we look up and everything is looking down on us,  instead.


As individual attitudes contribute to disaster, it's always someone elses fault, never our own although we breathe it's air and consume it's goods.


We wake daily without thanking the days for being present when we wake. As the narcissist view is embedded in our mindless minds, we misinterpret the real, the realistic. Selfish presentation of something we could not create without its everlasting ability to maintain.


A danger to those yet we don't feel their struggle. We witness what we want, care for what we need, never caring or helping for what they might need.


The Ultimate Consumer.


Even I contribute to the criminal un-criminalized way of life. We can see those who starve yet we don't feed them. We have all stated "it is not our problem." Animals roam in herds we roam alone. Then question why Segregation and the Holocaust occur. We all contribute to the destruction of life because the life we live is structured whether our mindless minds believe it to be. We are never free.


How can we help those we cannot touch, see? We seek fulfillment in ourselves (the things we want) not realizing we are all criminals because we are capable to promote change yet we don't because _____________?


Because we as individuals choose not to.

Female Hoes: Our Sexest Society

Explicitly promoted to be as such. As beauty controls the eye, the mind looses it's focus, it's decision to appreciate the intelligence of a woman and not how big her breast or butt is, is ceased. Without attempt we are placed in categories that we have agreed upon. No longer home bound house wives, we are street running hoes who use the power of the pussy to reach false success. We are aware of our power yet we abuse it's strength. A short skirt and a low cut dress, accepted by some and disgraced by others. Using a body, a temple for un-loving pleasure to gain access to a party that will end in an hour or two. Wearing little to nothing for something so simple as a look. We have all engaged ourselves as such, yet we all complain that we live in a sexest society. We are the sexest society. We use sex to create our own society. Showing the world all that God has blessed us with is an everyday attempt to self fulfill off of sexual desires. We give in because we choose to, it's what we're told to do, yet we do it cause we are all mentally impaired. False, we do it cause we can. As we know the power of the pussy, the power is also aware of us. Without hesitation the natural need for attention strengthens the use of our assets. We are women, we are sex. We are sex because we let ourselves and our fellow females become as such.

AIDS: Burning to Death

Trapped with despair. Pain of consistant hurt traveling at speeds more rapid as generations decrease along with their intelligence. As this thing dances in the veins of the innocent, those who are not innocent also contribute to it's rein.

Its history gradually disappears as more and more of us are exposed. The silent killer it might be, but whose pulling the trigger? We are unprepared for this thing that changed history, changed the concept of freedom.

Without a simple harmless symptom, it creeps its way into your world usually by consent. NO CONDOM.
Without probablity we continue to add to its army. An army fighting to live while realistically fighting just not to die, literally.

Years, billions spent on research yet nothing. As needles release and rush in arms, this thing, this eutopia you feel for a minute turns into a life side by side with hell. This thing marks its gravestones by color. By killing millions, infecting millions of those who are clolored. ACKWARD.

Without disctinction, how could this thing primarily target with direction? Indesgretion, false allegations and pretentions of its making, yet those who did generate it, take it, make it, release it, help it. Without any realization, this thing has a set direction. Pay attention, look at the next generation.

AIDS the ulimate creation.

Misleading: The Sexual Drunk Perception, Usually in the Club

Standing in front of that mirror with admiring eyes following my hips, I'm it. Sexually appealing to both sexes, glances from near, far, trace my figure with undiscovered, wondering desires. Intrigued by my complete seduction, my complete physical appearance. Licking my lips and gyrating my waist I'm aware of the secretive whispers these men speak. I'm always aware. As I stare at myself in this mirror, in this club, I understand why they wish to pursue all what's between my legs. From the way my hair bounces to the beat gently tapping my shoulder. From the way my eyes slant once the liquor touches my lips. From the radiance of my caramel complexion and how my oh so perfect ass pokes from the crevasses of my tights and how how those cherry red pumps stack all that up to perfection. As those eyes guide my body the sexual tension I receive is compared to no other in the room. As females lift their noses and curve the sides of their lips, I smirk. Without effort, I demand. Demand attention they only dream of. Adjusting my stance, the person in the mirror is looking back at me as I'm at her. With as much admiration as theirs, that girl in the mirror now reminds me that I'm only admired by objection. I am an object in those eyes that guide my movement. Without proper realization I fall for those glances. Caught off guard because I was only what they saw, never realizing that beauty is only skin deep.

A repost of the peoples favorite: Unanswered Questions

BeautifiedMind: Unanswered Questions: "I have no idea what I'm doing. I ask myself questions I know the answers to yet those unanswered questions become oblivious. How can I attac..."

The Inspired Purpose

With inspiration so far from my reach, I'm trying to figure out why it is no longer in my path. Why am I now where I once was? As the world continues to spin I'm stuck, cemented in non-existing yet everlasting reality. How did I get to this point? A point where only those who love me can help me realize and correct my mistakes. Although I'm aware of the mistakes I've made, this numb unemotional attachment continues. I have made those mistakes irrelevant yet okay. Now I must realize I can no longer hide behind all that I find. Now I must buckle down and capture my purpose before my purpose gives up on me. The only thing I have in this world is my purpose. Never abuse your purpose. Dream dreams that exist in your everyday actions. I let go of my purpose because I was looking for a certain type of fulfilment, one that only lasted momentarily knowing  moments don't last forever, yet what does?


Mentally I am aware, but mentally I hide, hide and hide never reaching the light because I feel as though the light has dimmed itself on me, leaving me alone in darkness after all the light I've shined on others.
When you spend years doing right and it's never appreciated,  a list of wrong doings create an imagination of perfectly right outcomes. This is where I lost my purpose : Using the wrong organs to gain love is wrong yet at those moments they feel so right. Never realizing the cycle of pain, pleasure, pain, pleasure, pain. I'm trapped consciously yet subconsciously oblivious to my mistakes because in those moments of pain any type of pleasure is accepted. But whose doing the accepting, rejecting? Realistically I'm inflicting my own pain and seeking pleasure from others who realistically are pleasuring themselves. Although these outer body experiences seem unreal, I still force them to be a part of my relevance. Making them seem as if I need them. Wronged once again and not by those but myself.


 Inspiration comes from the last place you left off. As that last place killed me internally, everything that was morally wrong felt right. One of  the greatest achievements is knowing at least one person in this world loves you enough to tell you the actual truth. From that point until now, my mind has been clouded with fear and pain. A pain that has ripped through me like the Grim Reaper, taking everything I've worked so hard for. Going backwards in a foreword motion is just the same as moving in the same spot headed no where. If I continue this way doing these unspeakable things, I'll be, end up no where. As these tears trickle down my face an impact finally occurs. I have the power to change, not for anyone else but myself. The inspired inspire. Now I have no other option than those I have presented to myself. I'm at the bottom so up is my only option, my only way in a world where my purpose is not too far away.

Confusingly Straight Forward

Imaginations of false destinations suspend without support. Destinations that are made to make the believer's make believe. As we are all separated by birth we are all fighting wars for unforgiven past mistakes. Mistakes that were destined. How can we approach The Man with what we know? We Know nothing. Everyone of us tell a story like no other and each story concludes alone. Although relationships approach we are still required to be individuals. Why are people so against themselves as if shame is the way to be? As if a gift of difference disappoints. Without fear we will enable ourselves to fail. We are the controllers yet batteries don't last so long. Deliberating opportunities that approach constantly confused, working to find the answer to why is it so hard.? Without understanding anything I understand everything. Hoping to find deserved freedom of mental enslavement then mental rearrangement.

Love At It's Worst: The Aftermath

Dreading most moments hoping to never be trapped like I once was. Although this feeling is dearly missed, I still don't know what it's like to love again. Hurt by someone, I knew yet someone I didn't, me. Sleepless nights, bloody noses and uninviting sex was what it was like. Months later the emotional baggage has hidden deep, so deep, buried. Wanting his touch, feeling his once oh so special love is all but a dream in a world where dreams never come true. As unanswered questions of brutal hurt wake me, keep me, forsake me. Love is the deadliest gift of them all. Starring at empty skies trying to find fulfillment is a constant dead end routine. Hoping one day this pain will give me freedom, freedom I deserve. To be drained by a hurt heart is almost as worst as being paralyzed. Sometimes, If it is not obvious the hurt, hurt, but then again its obvious the hurt, hurt. Blaming him for things I control are hurt, hurt I didn't deserve, yet hurt he felt I did.

Wishing, Wished, Dreamt, Achieved, Lost, Dead, Oblivious. As love stretches to lands far from hear, arms have yet reached mine. They once were wrapped around my soul now they are no longer in reach. We got in to deep. Hoping, lasting again wishing. Extended prayers send whispers of defeat from my lips hoping my seldom innocent words reach the heavens to as for forgiveness. Trying and hoping those limbs return. Others have attempted yet my firery, dead, dried out emotional doubt pushes untruth worth. Who are these people who seek me? Where do I go, who are these people who seek my body for pleasure and my lips to do as such? As my back touches cold sheets and he lays on top of me, his face appears never leaving my sight always crossing my mind, I'm dying inside, Lying inside.

Unanswered Questions

I have no idea what I'm doing. I ask myself questions I know the answers to yet those unanswered questions become oblivious. How can I attach all that I think I know to all that is real? What's real? Why is life full on un-guaranteed guarantees? Is it possible to trace back all that exist today? Why are the obvious confined behind what we think is real? Does the news speak the truth?, are the educational tactics chosen more correct or why is race still an issue if religion is the main cause of war? How can we be so consumed in nothing yet unconsumed by everything. The passageways are closed because we are taught that they are closed. Who do we believe if the unbelievable is belief? When does it end, when did it start? I'm not sure it makes sense to the mind of a determined kind. To create unsettling (false, implausible, shaky) ideas and to combine these ideas with realistic value (media, money, control, power) , it starts to make perfect sense. These words are written out of fear. A fear that destined eyes will never meet their destiny because of God knows what. What holds us back from liberation and mental freedom, ourselves. For example, why are black rappers and athletes praised in black communities, while CEO's, doctor's, Lawyer's, and entrepreneur's praised in white communities? Most people don't take the time to take time? Time is the only thing that truly exist. It is the only thing that can never be altered. It is our friend and our worst enemy. Time has no relevance because time can never stop nor wait for us to catch up.